My bff is getting married at the end of the month! I can hardly believe how quickly the time has gone. I’m really looking forward to it. It will be Dan and my first night away together without Isabel! I can’t believe we haven’t had a night out in over two years, besides a dinner here or there. We’ve put Isabel to bed every… single… night.
I had fun sewing a little bridal lingerie for my Abbey. She requested the grey lace set (garterbelt not shown), but I wanted to make something pretty for over top. I fell in love with this silk cotton voile when I came across it at my local fabric store. I just love the print and colour.
I actually used a pattern for this robe! It was Vogue 9218. Not much to say about it really. It was a very simple robe. I added a cotton lace tassel trim to the hem and sleeve.
I am excited but also nervous about our first night away. I’ve found that my anxiety/depression has really been creeping back in over the last month or so, and my mind goes to all of these terrible “what if” scenarios about leaving Isabel in the care of someone else. Coming to the realization that I’m going to constantly be taking steps to prevent my brain from going to “that dark place” is rough… It took so much work to get out of that paralyzing anxiety I was feeling last spring. I’ve felt myself slipping into that spinning, out of control feeling, which really sucks. But I don’t feel paralyzed the way I did last time. My nightmares have been sneaking back in, but for the most part, I find I can get back to sleep again. Over the winter I wasn’t able to get out running, but I’ve picked it up again over the last couple of weeks. It helps. Talking helps. Writing helps.
I’ve had a couple of things happen recently that brought me back to earlier times in my life when things were not nearly so good or stable or safe. That definitely has shaken the mental stability I’ve built over the last year. I’m so proud of the life I have built and my beautiful brand and my amazing daughter, but it wasn’t always this way. I’ve had situations happen in my past where my safety was seriously threatened and I’m just coming to terms now with the impact that has had on my life. On one hand, these experiences have left me with the ability to feel deep empathy for others, which I think is a strength. But on the other hand, it can weigh you down with a lot of fear and sadness.
This is life! Not always good, not always bad. Sometimes it just chugs along. The good news is that when I feel myself slipping and spiralling downwards now I can notice it and start doing all of those things that I did before to help myself get out of the spiral. I felt so silly in therapy sometimes. It feels like our thoughts and emotions should be something that comes naturally, but it’s not! Managing them takes practice… and for some of us it takes more work than others.
I wish we could talk about mental health the way we talk about other physical illnesses. I feel so silly when I say “I have anxiety”. It doesn’t’ sound like a big deal, and until it started actually impacting my life, I didn’t think it was a big deal. I didn’t get why people couldn’t just deal with it. And then it happened to me… all of those experiences in my life combined with an over anxious mind paralyzed me. And now I feel on a constant cycle of checking my stability and taking active measures (along with daily medication) to maintain a sense of stability. I wish I could explain to people who have passed in and out of my life why I have been the way I have been at times…
Just a friendly reminder, if you are feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of anxiety or depression, please reach out for help. Your family doctor is a good place to start, but even talking to someone you can trust like a friend or family member helps!
