From the bottom of my heart…

I mentioned in an earlier post about how I’ve been dealing with some disappointment this past year. I’ve had lots of good personal things: a new house, new adventures with Isabel… Work has been chugging along steady. I briefly mentioned I had the opportunity to work on a book, which did not get picked up. It was a huge disappointment which I thought I took well and realized months later that it was a bit of a knock to the self-esteem. I also was spending way too much time comparing myself against others. Social Media can be an evil bitch. I kept noticing people who I felt were piggy backing on my aesthetic… as a designer, your “look” is like your baby. Something you created with your mind and hands. When someone knocks it off it physically hurts, and my anxiety riddled brain catastrophizes it (and everything else) and the next think you know I’m filled with thoughts of my business failing, my family leaving me, the whole world falling apart.

So… I stopped for a bit. I took stock. I said a big, “F*&# You!” (I love to swear, did you know that?). And I started to just do what I want. Again.

Then, I started to sew a bunch of lingerie for myself. I thought, if nothing else, I’ll have a nicely re-stocked wardrobe.

One piece led to the next, which led to the next. I re-tooled  the way I sew my bras, adding a mesh lining, and reworked my longline style. I developed two new underwear patterns. I created a bunch of pieces that I love to wear… Things that are comfortable, fun, and make me feel like a million bucks.

One thing I like to do is create items that can mix and match. I’ve released several solid coloured bras in mesh and lace that can pair with a variety of bottoms. Honestly, putting on my underwear in the morning is one of the highlights of my day…

I’m not going to lie. I’ve really been struggling over the last few months. My worries and anxieties snowball and make it really hard for me to move forward. They affect my self confidence and and whittle me down to nothing. They make me feel scared and unworthy. I’ve really been trying to reclaim myself. Accept that this is something that I have to deal with and that often my thoughts are out to get me! Sometimes my view of the world is skewed by my over-reactive brain. It’s a difficult thing to wrap your mind around.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve “found” lingerie again. I felt like I was doing a lot of things I “should” do, and by the end of the day I wasn’t making time for what I wanted to do: experiment with new designs, play with fabrics, take pretty pictures… I’m definitely going to make more time for this from now on.

I’m going to post a bit more in a separate post when I have some more time, but for now you can view my entire collection on Etsy.