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Dogs

Letting Go

Dogs

The last 24 hours have been some of the most painful of my life. I had to say “good bye” to my dog, Oliver.

A few years ago, Oliver started dragging his back legs when he walked… and then losing control of his bowels. The vet diagnosed him with a degenerative spinal cord disease. He was on monthly shots and medication but nothing seemed to make much of a difference. Over the last couple of years it progressed, as the vet said it would. He was in diapers 24/7. He couldn’t snuggle up on the couch because he had no control over when he pooped… and about a week or two ago he could barely stand on his own. He would bark in the middle of the night for someone to come pick up up. Occasionally I’d come home and he’d be laying in his bed barking because he couldn’t stand up on his own… And as much as I want him here with me so bad right now, I know that what he had wasn’t much of a life… and I am sure at times he was in pain.

So, I made that difficult decision that I thought I would never make… And now I am adjusting to life without him. I have to admit, I thought that since his health had declined so much over the last two years, that it would somehow be easier when he did go, but it’s not. It hurts so bad.

I’m not sure how the idea got implanted in my head, but when I was living alone in Toronto I decided I must have a puppy. And so, after much looking and disappointment over missed opportunities… my parents drove me in a wicked snowstorm to pick up my little Oliver.

He was a total hell raiser. A furry little piranha. But he brought so much love and happiness to my life. There was just something about him… his adorable personality… he loved to make people happy… his fear of getting his paws wet in the rain (many times I carried all 35lbs of him down the sidewalk on a rainy day). It was just me and Oliver in our little old apartment in Forest Hill.

When I finally became pregnant with little Isabel, I remember thinking “How on earth am I ever going to love anything as much as I love this dang dog?!” He just meant the world to me. I’m sure I annoyed all my old co-workers with how much I talked about him, but he really was just such a weird and wacky character.

The stupidest things are hitting me so hard right now. I had to pick up a few groceries today and I went to grab paper towel… we usually go through a lot because of Oliver’s toilet troubles…but then I remembered that won’t be an issue any more and I nearly bawled in the middle of Walmart. I had to pick up cat food, and the chews that he liked were there… the hostas in my backyard that he loved to rip up (despite my constant scolding!).

It all just hurts so bad.

I’ve been through enough in my life to know that as distance grows between his passing, the pain will start to dull. I will always miss him. I will always be so grateful for him. Now I have to figure out how to keep going without him.

Changes

Anxiety, Baby, Design Diary, Dogs, New Items, Personal

I love the fall. Time for cozy sweaters, warm scarves, hot drinks, pumpkin pie, halloween, ghost stories, Thanksgiving… all of my favourite things. This year it also meant getting ready for Isabel’s first year of school! I can hardly believe it.  In some ways she already seems so grown up and I know she’s doing great in school, but in other ways I just can’t believe that my baby is so independent. Look at this fierce little woman ready to take on the world! For her first day, I made her a little narwhal print tunic and hologram spandex leggings. She paired them with yellow rubber boots and I can tell she felt like a million bucks! hehe… I just love this kid.

The transition to school has been pretty painless for us. The hours are similar to what our daycare hours were, and she finds taking the school bus exciting.  I’m enjoying not having to pay for daycare, but am missing some of the flexibility that home daycare provides! I have to admit, I still go to Isabel’s daycare now and then for a puppy play!!!  We’ve been so lucky to have really amazing women provide care for Isabel. If you are a daycare worker, you do amazing work!

Our new puppy is pretty much full grown I think. She’s about 9 months old now and just slightly smaller than Oliver, our monster pug, but much thinner. I suspect she’ll fill out over the next little while. She’s a real sweetie, very smart and great with kids! My one challenge with her is a new one that has come up over the last few weeks, and that’s being over protective while she’s on a leash. She doesn’t like people getting too close and puts on a big show.  My mom recently adopted a rescued french bulldog who is about 2 or 3 years old and a total sweetheart. She and Leah get along so well. It’s hilarious to see the two of them run around and play together. Oliver has really slowed down a lot over the last year and a half, but he’s holding steady. Leah follows him around the house and is constantly trying to snuggle with him, which he allows, reluctantly.

This summer has been a weird one. We had so many out of the ordinary things happen, like a huge tree coming down, our car blowing up (figuratively)… and I feel like there was something else but I forget what it is now.  We spent so many weekends either chopping up trees and stacking wood, or my husband fixing the car and I trying to entertain Isabel, that we didn’t get to any of the projects we wanted to this summer like painting the deck and garage… And Isabel had a lot of time off throughout the summer which meant I had a lot of time away from work… I feel like all summer, whether in my personal life or work life, I’ve just been constantly playing catch-up.

That being said, we did fit in a lot of fun things, like a trip to Canada’s Wonderland, we got to watch turtles hatch just down the road from our house, and spent lots of time in my cousins new pool.

Now that Isabel is basically off to fend for herself on the school yard, it’s really set my biological clock ticking. I have so much anxiety and worry over whether I’ll be able to have another baby.  I’ve felt a lot of uncertainty in my life, but this uncertainty is one of the worst because it’s so primal and out of my control.  I’m at the mercy of my own body.  Added onto this is the fact that my brother really seems to have dropped off the radar once again. I want that “normal” adult sibling relationship and it just seems I’ll never have it.  Relationships are hard.

I’ve got a few new patterns still to release. I’m not sure why, I’m feeling a lot of apprehension and anxiety around it and keep putting it off. What if there’s a mistake? What if people don’t like it? I feel like because I’ve been out of the work-loop for most of the summer, my creative confidence has taken a bit of a hit. I’ve been here before, many times in fact, and I’ll be here in this headspace again. I know I need to acknowledge it, then fight against these feelings because they’re not true!

I also am eagerly awaiting a shipment of fabric in anticipation of cooler weather. I’m planning on releasing a number of ready made pieces in the lead-up to Christmas. I know that my made to order turn around can make it tricky for gift giving, so I’m hoping this will help those of you who want to give the gift of comfortably, ethically made underwear!

I’ve also added a handful of new scrunchies to my shop. I am obsessed with these, and the black in particular is a hot seller! In addition to the silk, I’ve included my signature red and black buffalo plaid flannel as a scrunchie. I’ll be restocking my buffalo plaid lingerie pieces soon, so now you can really coordinate from ponytail to underwear!

Ohhh Lulu for Girls?

Baby, Dogs, New Items, Sewing Patterns, Videos

I reluctantly decided upon parenthood. I was always more the “cool aunt” type but I’ve got to admit, I love being a parent and 3 year olds, despite their tantrums and attitude, are pretty awesome. One of the things I love most about having a kid, is sewing for kids!!!

When Izzy started potty training (glad that’s a thing of the past), I started making her her own undies (naturally). A couple years ago for Christmas, I made her up a bunch of matching cami and underwear sets. She really loved them and I did too. So recently, I decided to dive into the world of childrens pattern grading. I have ZERO experience grading for kids, so this was an endeavour for me!

The patterns aren’t quite ready yet, but they will be soon. I wanted to give a little sneak peek of what you can expect.

Izzy is kind of (ok, seriously) obsessed with YouTube videos. The other day she was quietly playing by herself, chatting away, when I caught her say “Let me know in the comments!” She was acting out her own little video. What a ham. So I asked her if she wanted to co-host one of mine, which she did. So, here it is. We talk about chickens. Izzy loves chickens. Our new puppy Leah also makes a guest appearance.


Speaking of puppy, look at her! I took a few photos a few weeks ago and she has already changed so much! Her ears are entirely pointy now and she’s getting quite the little personality. She’s a snuggler, but a bit bossy around Oliver. I’m looking forward to starting training classes with her soon.

Welcome home

Baby, Dogs, Personal

When I brought home Oliver 10 years ago I was living alone in Toronto. I had a beautiful corner apartment on Eglinton Avenue with lovely old hardwood floors and black and white tiled bathroom. I had just broken up with my live-in boyfriend and was on my own. It wasn’t my first time living on my own in the city, but it was the first time I felt like I was really doing it on my own. I’m pretty proud of that time of my life.

Oliver very quickly became the absolute love of my life. How can you not fall in love with a little pug-baby? That squishy face is only topped by his hilarious personality. That dog went everywhere with me.

Oliver and I have been through so much together. We’ve been through really hard times… Really, really shitty things. We’ve also done really fun things. Road trips, hikes, camping trips (not his favourite), Christmas dinners, my wedding… He has just been the best companion.

Over the last year Oliver has really started to show his age. It breaks my heart to even consider the fact that one day I’m going to wake up and he’s not going to be there to greet me with a snort and a sneeze. That’s the worst part about dogs. You know that one day they won’t be able to be with you any more.

I now have to carry him up and down stairs, carry him outside to go pee, and follow him around the house looking for accidents since the poor guy can’t seem to control his hind end anymore. I don’t mind the extra work, but I hate to see his body failing. It breaks my heart.

Isabel turned 3 in October. I can’t believe she’ll be starting school in the fall. This is about the time most parents start thinking about adding a second child to their family. We think about it. I think about it a lot. The truth is, it took a long time for Isabel to come into this world, and although I wouldn’t say we’re “trying” (more like, “trying to not care about trying”) I’m skeptical that a second babe is in our future…

Kids aren’t something I thought I’d ever have. I always pictured myself independent, on my own, more of the “cool aunt” type. But Isabel is my life and I’m so glad I decided to give parenthood a try.  A second baby would be warmly welcomed but I’m also 100% happy with how life is now. More so, I feel concern for Isabel. Any parent, or prospective parent knows, the pressure you feel from the world, from unwanted advice, always makes you question your abilities and choices. I always hear, “You can’t only have one!” and “I know an only-child and she has so many issues!” (Full disclosure: the only-children I know are all wildly successful individuals who I really admire. My best friend growing up, my cousin who is like my sister, a friend of my husband who is a wicked mom and runs an art gallery…) Although I’m happy with Isabel, who is my life and my world, I worry that she’ll be missing out on having a sibling.

This leads me to Leah.

I had been wanting a puppy for a while and am always researching breeds and checking out shelters, but I was concerned about how a puppy would get on with Oliver, who has mobility issues and is generally a grump around other dogs.  But when we saw some Boston Terrier/Pug mix puppies come up locally we decided to jump at the opportunity.

Sure, a puppy isn’t a substitute for a sibling, but I know from experience that dogs are the best companion anyone could ask for. And I know that Olivers time is coming… maybe not for a while, but it’s on the horizon, and I’m not sure how I’d get out of bed if not for a little wet nose nudging me out for a walk.

So here she is! Little Leah. Isabel named her. She’s pretty sweet… 3/4 boston and 1/4 pug. She’s a lazy little thing who has quick bursts of energy. She’s funny, incredibly snuggly and loves to be carried. I’m looking forward to the bitey-puppy stage to come to an end, but I’m enjoying the puppy snuggles. Oliver is doing pretty good, although Leah really wishes he would play with her. I often catch them snuggling together during nap time. She’s a smart little thing and already knows how to “sit” though potty training is going a little slow… We start some training classes soon.

The puppy has made things a little extra busy around here but I’m fortunate enough to be home all day with her most days. She has settled in really well to our little family. I’m looking forward to spring and teaching her to run with me.

Pugoween!

Dogs, Personal

One of my biggest fears about becoming a parent was how my dog Oliver would adjust to having a little person in the house. I got Oliver when I was living alone in Toronto. He and I were like two peas in a pod. We did everything together. We rode the bus together, we went shopping together, we played fetch in my little apartment until the wee hours of the morning together… I was worried that with the shift of attention from him to my new little person might cause some jealousy.  Luckily, he adjusted so well to the change in our family dynamic, and now that Isabel is a little older, she absolutely loves him to pieces. It melts my heart to see the two of them chasing each other around the house.

Before we had Isabel, Dan and I used to take Oliver out to our local pug group for play dates and socializing. It always made me laugh because Oliver was so anti-social. He’d sit in a corner by himself, but I always liked going because it feels good to spend time with people as dog obsessed as I am. Plus, being surrounded by a bunch of snorting, snarfling little pugs is just the best thing every.  We finally got back to our pug group last weekend, just in time for Pugoween!

Isabel is obsessed with Paw Patrol (or “Pawtrol” as she calls it), so my friend suggested we dress Oliver up as Rubble.

rubble2

It turned out to be a fairly easy costume to put together. I made him a little yellow vest with a zipper up the front. I used an older Simplicity Pattern (2755), and just omitted the sleeves. I’m not sure if this particular pattern is still available, but it is a good one! I cut a size medium for Oliver, who is a gigantic pug, and it fits him snugly. I used some plain yellow knit fabric that I got in the clearance department of my local Fabricland.

2755

For the little collar, I used a length of black webbing, and attached a snap to either end for easy on and off. I free-handed the emblem on the tag out of yellow cardstock and some beige felt.

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Rubble also had a back-pack that contains his digger arm and other doo-dads. I took an old cereal box, cut it down to size, and glued yellow fabric around it. On either side, I attached some brown felt and cut out some tools from cart stock to glue to either side. I then glued that to a length of brown felt, which formed a belt, that I then wrapped around him and fastened with a snap. I put in a few stitches by hand to anchor the “box” to the back of the vest.

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The only thing he was missing was the hard hat!!! I was pretty proud of myself for putting together this little costume. It probably took me a total of two hours to put together. Best of all, Oliver didn’t seem to hate wearing it (though he pretty quickly managed to pee on it).  It’s pretty far out of my regular sewing realm, but it was a fun project that put a big smile on Isabel’s face when she saw it all come together.

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Ok, now my time to blabber a bit about my dog… As I mentioned earlier, Oliver was always a bit of an outsider in the pug group. Not this time! He was right there socializing with the other dogs. He hardly barked and actually seemed to have a good time. It was like he turned a new leaf! I was so proud of my dog! I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks…

Now the crunch is on to figure out something for Isabel for Halloween…